Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
