Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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