please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
