Jerry, you need to find god
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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