12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
