Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
