So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
