every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
