If i come over, it means nothing
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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