I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
