Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
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She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
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the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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