all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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