It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
