I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
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I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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