We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
