mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
