I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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