I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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