How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
