I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
