so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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