I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
