Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
