so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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