im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
