I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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