Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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