So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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