a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
