i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
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The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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