And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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