he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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