kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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