This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
