I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
