I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
