I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
