I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
