her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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