You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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