we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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