Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
