does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
