This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
