Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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