I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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