nut hugger
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
