i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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