someone get that fucking seahorse.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
