dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
