I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
