wanna go halves on a baby?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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