No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize