I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just had sex bonerless
i can't believe i had my finger in that
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hippo gnu deer
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
