the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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