I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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