apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it because I queefed?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
