my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
