I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
