It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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