dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
