cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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