You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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