I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i think i just lost a toe
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