Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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