matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
