Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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