Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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