Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
There's even glitter on my cock...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
