So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
