My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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