Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
