She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
