sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
