he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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