If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
