susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
